Life With Three

We were 6 women in all at Saturday’s gathering- 5 married with children, 1 single, all 6 Catholic. Our conversation largely centered around marriage and family, and the various challenges we faced in raising our children.  One of the topics that came up was the challenge of following God’s will in accepting children into our families.  Without knowing most of these women too well, I am reasonably comfortable saying that our approach to thinking about this topic (if not our practice) is fairly similar. 

Women of all faiths around the world struggle with the call to trust God and God’s wisdom in giving us children - a call that seems simple in theoretical terms but is much harder when we consider the challenges of daily life.  Unemployment, medical, developmental, learning, behavioral or emotional problems in a parent or older child, the desire (and financial ability) to have one parent home with the kids instead of working, the ability to afford a good home, school, food and clothing, even the amount of patience and skill a couple has with their current children — all these are aspects of daily life that enter into any couple’s decision of how open to be to accepting new children into the family.  It’s an incredibly tough conversation to have when one is only thinking about the realities of daily life - and adding the “Catholic” aspect just adds a whole other level. 

As a small group (and as part of a much larger group around the world, both Catholic and non-Catholic) we asked many questions: Do we really trust God’s ability to see the bigger picture and “only” give us the number of children we can lovingly parent?  What if we don’t “want” any more children?  What if one spouse wants more children than the other? What if we don’t think we’re ready?  What if we’re ready but the child doesn’t come?  What if we can barely handle the children and responsibilities we have now?  What if God doesn’t (seem to) agree with our assessment of the current situation in our family??

They’re incredibly hard questions. Some of us asked these questions, some of us asked others.  Some are hoping the next baby comes soon.  Some aren’t.  Some aren’t sure.  Some practice natural family planning, some had studied  Theology of the Body, and some are questioning the appropriateness of NFP for their family. The common thread among all 6 of us was the strong desire for our faith to play a central, leading role in these conversations and decisions.  It was incredibly refreshing to be able to share honestly on such an important area of our lives.

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